Everyday Musings

Well Hello 2013

Well hello 2013! I was put into a place of taking a forced break from writing. Not maybe the kind of break I wanted, but it has given me such a greater appreciation for writing.

A couple of weeks back I had a chance to spend some time with a friend who I have really gotten to know over this last year and she discovered my love of writing and wanted to know more about it, specifically why I stopped, what goals I had for it, what I loved most about it. As I began to share I realized how much I had missed it being a part of my daily routine. In a way it felt as though I broke up with writing the way I was explaining it to her. She had me write a mission statement for what writing meant to me:

I write to share my story, as a release…so that I can continually move forward.

Even if no one was to read my words, for me it is an outlet that cannot be compared. When I read this Hemingway quote I can’t help but see my mission statement within it.

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
This is my outlet to bleed. To release. To not blow up at Graeme with all of my thoughts, ideas, pains, grieves, joys, insights, etc. This last year I think in a way I got so overwhelmed by life staring me in the face I couldn’t even find a way to express it through writing, so I “gave up”. I did however find solace in silence and putting my feet to the pavement and running. It wasn’t quite the same outlet, but I was able to let go in a way. Let go of my false hopes, my hurts, and my failings.

I hate to fail. Not that I know anyone who enjoys failing, but I really tend to beat myself up over it and don’t really offer myself the same kind of grace I receive from God and even those closest to me. This year has felt like a lot of failures. In love, friendships, personal goals, work goals, just goals in general. To try and fight through this wall of failure has been a daily challenge, but one that I finally feel like I am achieving.

These walls can look like having chance to share my honest opinion about my views on public affairs even if it means the loss of that friendship. Or having the courage to realize that a friendship may have run its course, but realizing that there are some pretty amazing and fantastic people who have become a part of my life (even when I was at my lowest). Sometimes, it looks like work. Being a part of a cube farm and believing I was meant for something more than what I am subjecting myself to from 8 to 5.

Though I may not know what that “belief” is, it is taking one step at a time and this first step is just to embrace what I enjoy doing, be able to stare life in the face and share how I am traveling through the day to day.

Though in my opinion 2013 can suck it, but I believe it deserves a second chance. So here is to 2013 and all the endless possibilities that come with it. When the overwhelming waves start to head my way, may I be able to stare them straight on and swim right through them versus being crippled by them.

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